The Power of Infinite Proxies

I didn’t realize this Infinite Proxies thing would be so dang difficult.

The upcoming Vintage tournament at the Gamers Lounge: Sandusky will allow you to use Infinite Proxies. Let’s break this down:

In-fi-nite (IN-fuh-nit or inf-nit)
adj.
1 Having no boundaries or limits.
2 Immeasurably great or large; boundless: infinite patience; a discovery of infinite importance.

First, let’s all agree that anything working for you in Magic that’s infinite is inherently good. Dealing infinite damage or making infinite mana or making your opponent draw infinite cards will probably win you the game in short order. Of course for the purpose of game play and rules, “infinite” is usually replaced with “arbitrarily large,” which is just as good.

Prox-y (PROK-see)
n., pl. -ies.
1 A person authorized to act for another; an agent or substitute.
2 The authority to act for another.
3 The written authorization to act in place of another.

Since we’re not talking legal definitions where a proxy agent might sign a document in your place, we’ll have to edit the dictionary definition a bit to suit our purpose: A proxy is a substitute for a Magic card. Specifically, a proxy will be an authorized subsitute for a Magic card for this particular tournament, the application of which is described in further detail below.

Proxies is the plural form of proxy, which is okay, because if they’re infinite, that means there will be a whole heck of a lot of them.

Putting both parts together, we get Infinite Proxies, or InfiniProx. This means that you can have an immeasurably large number of authorized substitutes for Magic cards at the Gamers Lounge tournament.

You can proxy any card, any number of cards, and therefore build any legal Vintage deck.

Let’s say you want to build Brian DeMars’s Burning Slaver list:

1x Black Lotus
1x Mana Crypt
1x Mana Vault
1x Mox Emerald
1x Mox Jet
1x Mox Pearl
1x Mox Ruby
1x Mox Sapphire
1x Sol Ring
1x Darksteel Citadel
3x Island
1x Snow-covered Island
2x Flooded Strand
2x Polluted Delta
1x Strip Mine
2x Underground Sea
3x Volcanic Island
1x Tolarian Academy

1x Mindslaver
1x Burning Wish
1x Demonic Tutor
1x Time Walk
1x Tinker
1x Yawgmoth’s Will
1x Ancestral Recall
4x Brainstorm
1x Echoing Truth
4x Force of Will
4x Mana Drain
1x Gifts Ungiven
1x Mystical Tutor
4x Thirst for Knowledge
1x Vampiric Tutor

1x Duplicant
1x Sundering Titan
3x Goblin Welder
2x Gorilla Shaman

Sideboard
1x Pyrite Spellbomb
1x Tormod’s Crypt
1x Solemn Simulacrum
1x Echoing Truth
1x Fire & Ice
1x Pyroblast
1x Rack and Ruin
1x Red Elemental Blast
1x Deep Analysis
1x Echoing Ruin
1x Rolling Earthquake
1x Tendrils of Agony
3x Duress

Unfortunately, the only things you own are the Tendrils, Duresses, Echoing Ruin and Truth, Pyrite Spellbomb, Gifts Ungiven, Thirst for Knowledge, Brainstorms, Islands, Snow-covered Island, and Flooded Strands. You can get a stack of basic lands and a Sharpie and write the names and rules text of the remaining 52 cards, fo’ free, fo’ sho’.

Fo’… Sho’…

If you want to build Vintage Battle of Wits and proxy 150 cards, you can. It will take a while, but you can.

Almost any deck in the history of Magic is at your beck and call.

2-Land Belcher
9-Land Stompy
The Rock
Ravager Affinity (artifact lands and Skullclamps are legal!)
Kobold Clamp
Reanimator
Worldgorger Dragon Combo
Oath of Druids Combo
Fish of any Flavor
Rat’s Nest Precon
Timmy’s Type One Pile o’ Jank
Parfait
Fires
Skies
Rebels
Goblins
Gobliins
Gobliiins
Red Deck Wins
Pink Deck Wins
Erhnamgeddon
Millstone Stasis
Deadguy Red
Deadguy BW Ale
Anything with the name Flores appended to it
The Dutch Treat (shout out to the fungus master!)
Stax
UbaStax
5cUbaStax
UbaCaps
Relentless Thrumming Rats
Control Slaver
Mono-blue Control
Mono-black Control
Mono-brown Control
PitchLong
GrimLong
DangLong
DeathLong
ChannelBall
Winner Winner Chicken Dinner
One With Nothing Combo
Sorrows Path – Donate – Twiddle
Nettling Imp Dot Deck with Pit Trap and Sengir Vampire
60 Island Go

I think you see the possibilities. Any deck. Any one deck. It will have at least 60 cards and maybe a sideboard of 15. It just has to be Vintage Legal. That means you can’t have more than one card that’s restricted in the format, and none of the cards that are banned. So no Chaos Orbs, up to four Shahrazads, and only one Windfall you big cheater.

Proxy cards need to be legible above all. The name of the card has to be clearly shown, as does any current relevant game text wherever necessary including creature power and toughness, spell type, creature type, and casting cost. You must erase, cross out, or otherwise obscure incorrect text. If you have any questions go to this site and follow their guidelines. Gamers Lounge proxy policy is a bit more relaxed than this (for example, we’ll allow Wite-Out in moderation and altered art rather than erased), but they’re close enough.

But that’s it. When I say infinite proxies, I mean infinite proxies.

Unlimited substitute cards.

Boundless replacements.

Innumerable markered pieces of cardboard.

This Mountain that says Black Lotus is actually a Forest, and this Island is really a Plains.

Take some time and get a-marking.

Play whatever you want.

You've got until next weekend. Remember that registration starts at noon with the first round starting at 1 p.m. The Gamers Lounge Sandusky is on Market Street downtown. It's pretty much at the confluence of Rtes. 6 and 4, so if you follow those and head for the waterfront, you'll cross Market St. at some point. Plus it's only $12.50 to enter. That's, like, half of what you could expect to pay at other tournaments, and you get infinitely more proxies.

Infinite... proxies...

[Drools]