I got home from a movie at midnight on Friday night (Little Miss Sunshine—if you haven’t seen it I recommend it. The theme of “we’re all losers so we need to stick together” is excellent.) and had an email flashing in my inbox from the Sultan of Swinging the Fat Beats, David P. Baum:
I'll be there Saturday morning, I don't have your phone number, so I'll probably leave here a little early...hopefully I'll be in Columbus by 8 or 9 am. If you can call me tonight, my number is [removed for discrepancy].Oh, crap.
I called Dave and left a frantic message: “Dave, I guess you didn’t realize, but the Two-Headed Giant main event is on Sunday, not tomorrow. So, uh, call me as soon as you can; don’t worry about what time it is.”
Around 7 a.m., Dave called. We determined that he could probably make arrangements to come down Sunday instead of Saturday, but it would take a little time. He’d call me back later, around noon.
Now, this was where I screwed up. I should have just had him come down anyway. We would have been able to get into a 2HG flight, gotten the same amount of “product” (whenever they call the cards that, it makes me think they’re talking about heroin), and probably had a better chance of getting prizes. Anyway, I said that sounded fine, and bided my time until I heard from him.
When he finally called back (actually, I had to call him), he made some excuses like “Oh, my network” and “My employees need sleep” and “Blah blah blah customers can’t take care of themselves.” Anyway, he couldn’t make it.
Nuts.
We also talked about something big—Black Lotus big. Something that hasn’t been seen in Northern Ohio since the times of our ancestors. You all will just have to wait and see how it goes, but it could be amazingly amazing.
Anyway. Dave was out. I needed 2HG partner and how.
I called people and left messages. Adam Budweg answered his phone.
“Hey, did you go to the Planar Chaos prerelease? I need a partner for Two-Headed Giant tomorrow. I can pay for entry, if you just want to come down.”
“Yeah, I can do that.”
“Awesome!”
So Adam’s in.
A little while later, fellow Team Delta Force team-member Justin Dewey returned my call: “I hear you needed a partner for some Two-Headed Giant”
“Yeah, Budweg said he’d do it. You can switch with him, though. I just need a partner.”
“Lemme talk to the ol’ lady. I’ll call you back.”
Justin called me back that evening and reported Adam’s words were, “I’d have to get up real early, huh… You can do it.” I sent directions to my new apartment, and Justin reported that he’d be there between 9 and 9:30 the next morning.
Whew. I was even asking people who don’t technically play Magic if they’d be my partner. Justin’s pretty good at Magic, and a good friend as well. I look forward to dominating the Columbus Two-Headed Giant scene with him the next day.
After a day of pins and needles, wondering if I’d even be able to play 2HG, I got to bed early so as to be properly refreshed and relaxed for a day of tournament gaming.
Morning came as Trogdor the Burninator screamed out of my CD alarm clock and rousted me from my cocoon with a vengeance. I showered, ate breakfast, and made lunch. While I was making lunch, I noticed that, holy crap, there’s like seven inches of snow on the ground and it’s still coming. I wondered whether Justin would even be able to make it, but he allayed my fears with a timely phone call.
I warmed up my car and watched the Blue Collar Comedy Tour on Comedy Central.
When Justin finally arrived, it took us 20 minutes to get from the Henderson Rd. exit to Veteran’s Memorial, where the tournament was being held. Normally that’s a ten-minute drive, but the highway hadn’t been cleared of snow yet.
We went in and registered as Team Delta Force, a tribute to our third member, the final leg in our Triforce of Power, the one who couldn’t be with us yet who is always with us, our savior, Jesus. I mean, my cousin Geoff. Our team is the most inconveniently located team since each of its members is located at least two hours apart in Toledo, Cleveland, and Columbus.
I think we registered around 9:30, so of course we had to wait almost an hour before anything happened. We looked at the cards in the dealer case and talked about our expectations and the cards we wanted to open.
At long last they gave us our seating assignments and finally passed out the “product.”
Nothing we opened was spectacular. Two Null Profusions, which, though cool, are probably not going to be usable in sealed, much less Vintage thanks to better options (Yawgmoth’s Bargain anyone?). We opened a Bogardan Hellkite, which makes two for me total; that’s pretty cool. Sengir Nosferatu, nice. Blue Kismet, okay. Dust Elemental, that’s pretty cool. Magus of the Tabernacle, all right. Benalish Commander, also cool.
Null ProfusionWe sorted through our cards, registered them, and started building decks.
4BB
Enchantment
Skip your draw step.
Whenever you play a card, draw a card.
Your maximum hand size is two.
I decided that our blue cards were really not good enough to be considered. We had two Piracy Charms that I was really looking forward to playing, but it was not to be. We didn’t even have enough flyers to make it good. So we ended up with Justin playing red-green Burn ‘n’ Beat with 3 Dead & Gone and one Bogardan Hellkite, and me playing black-white weenies that culminated in Dust Elemental and Sengir Nosferatu.
Here are the lists:
Justin’s Burning Beaters
8x Mountain
7x Forest
1x Bogardan Hellkite
3x Dead & Gone
1x Grape Shot
1x Lavacore Elemental
3x Prodigal Pyromancer
1x Shivan Meteor
1x Sudden Shock
1x Sulfurous Blast
1x Uthden Troll
1x Ashcoat Bear
2x Evolution Charm
1x Giant Duspwast
1x Healing Leaves
1x Nantuko Shaman
1x Scryb Ranger
1x Seal of Primordium
1x Search for Tomorrow
1x Sprout
1x Uktabi Drake
1x Yavimaya Dryad
Bogardan Hellkite was an obvious bomb for us, and Justin managed to cast it five times in the first four games, thanks to one industrious use of Evolution Charm. Evolution Charm has two very useful abilities (Rampant Growth and Raise Dead) that usually show up only at sorcery. Prodigal Pyromancer died a lot when he showed up, but when he stayed on the table Justin loved using Scryb Ranger (a.k.a. Tiny Green Akroma) to take down the biggest of 2/2 beasts. In a couple of games, Yavimaya Dryad almost went the distance.
Also, Sulfurous Blast was awesome again and again.
Offhand, I can’t think of anything that underperformed except maybe for Lavacore Elemental, which made an impressive blocker for some reason since we were usually dying when he hit play.
Lavacore ElementalOverall, it was a solid deck, or at least it seemed so from the other side of the giant’s neck.
2R
Creature - Elemental
Vanishing 1
Whenever a creature you control deals combat damage to a player, put a time counter on Lavacore Elemental.
5/3
Nat’s Black and White Album
8x Swamps
8x Plains
1x Amrou Seekers
1x Benalish Commander
2x Calciderm
1x Castle Raptors
1x Dawn Charm
1x Detainment Spell
1x Dust Elemental
1x Jedit’s Dragoons
1x Outrider en-Kor
1x Pentarch Ward
2x Revered Dead
1x Saltblast
1x Brain Gorgers
1x Cradle to Grave
1x Dark Withering
1x Gorgon Recluse
1x Mindstab
1x Rathi Trapper
1x Sengir Nosferatu
1x Waning Wurm
2x Vampiric Link
My deck had some nice bombs in it: Sengir Nosferatu, Dust Elemental, and Benalish Commander all had their moments. Plus, I had a lot of black removal to get Justin’s creatures through. Unfortunately, a lot of it didn’t work on black creatures, and Cradle to Grave’s limitation was surprisingly, uh, limiting. Calciderm, as a 5/5 for four mana, was clearly really good, so having two of them was gravy.
I think I should have been more aggressive with Vampiric Link and used it to get us life rather than just neutralize our opponents’ creatures. And Detainment Spell I can’t really be sure on. It was either weak in the format, or we never saw it at the right time. I don’t know.
Vampiric LinkOther than that, a lot of my singles I saw only once the entire tournament.
B
Enchantment - Aura
Enchant creature
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage, you gain that much life.
Which began with:
Round 1 – Coming Out Party
I’m not sure what their name implied—my hope is that this was just their first Two-Headed Giant tournament. They were both playing Green—one with red and one with black. This match had no blue played.
We had a nice, tight game where we traded two-shot blows between our Yavimaya Dryad and their Uktabi Drake. I played my Sengir Nosferatu, but they killed it. They didn’t stop our Bogardan Hellkite, though, and it got in for a total of ten damage (including the five to the dome) and a fifteen-point swing as we Vampire Linked it before attacking. That put the score at 27 to 37 in our favor. Seems good, huh? Unfortunately, when we were flashing in our Kite, they were storming up to Empty the Warrens, for 14 tokens.
So things looked very bad for us. Our six-mana rare bomb dragon was totally trumped by their four-mana common bomb goblins. Worse, they used Sudden Spoiling to kill our dragon in our next attack. We brought the Kite back with Evolution Charm, and got in another 10 damage, but it was too late. The game ended with them at five life.
Evolution CharmI haven’t played against Empty the Warrens in Vintage yet, but I’ll say now that I don’t want to. It’s a house even in limited.
1G
Instant
Choose one - Search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle your library; or return target creature card from your graveyard to your hand; or target creature gains flying until end of turn.
Match Record – 0-1
Round 2 – Kirent
This was another heartbreaker. They were the team sitting across from us when we registered, a nice young couple from the Columbus area. Problem is, I also watched them pull two of the younger dragon legend, Teneb, the Harvester. Needless to say, one of them was playing green with black and white. The other was playing red and green.
Again, no blue. How unlike Vintage.
My notes are pretty sparse on this one. The important thing was that they went slowly from 40 to 16 in small increments (sometimes from red Tim, Prodigal Pyromancer). When they got to 16, though, they started climbing again to 26, which was where they were when it ended.
We found the Bogardan Hellkite pretty early, and I remember him getting a few good hits in and killing a couple of creatures on his flashy entrance. Eventually, they knocked him down, though, and convinced our 3/3 flying Dustwasp to take a Utopia Vow so he would make mana instead of, you know, being useful.
Utopia VowWhile they were taking down all of our flying threats, Kirent found their first Teneb, which they used to kill the rest of our defenders before sending our own Kite back at us. We get the Kite neutralized with Vampiric Link, and I ripped Sengir Nosferatu to stem the blood we’re hemorrhaging and hold off Teneb. Finally, we killed the Dragon Legend, only so they could play their second copy. Whee. Must be nice.
1G
Enchantment - Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature can't attack or block.
Enchanted creature has, "T: Add one mana of any color to your mana pool."
Anyway, Justin found Shivan Meteor (13 damage!) for the second copy of the Harvester, but it was too late. With just a few life remaining, we expired in short order.
The first two games were heartbreaking for us. Our bomb just didn’t carry us through, even though we played it three times and had secondary bombs like the Nosferatu and Dust Elemental as well. We were in completely dominant positions, a few turns away from winning, but couldn’t shut the door.
Anyway, we paid our money, we took our chances, and we didn’t have anything else to do all day, so Justin and I suited up for the next round and figured that if we won out, we could go home with some prizes.
Match Record 0-2
Round Three – Winners
Despite our opponents' team name, this game was a complete blowout for Justin and me. It ended with us still at 33 life, and we took damage three times. Really, though, it was a two-on-one double-team since their non-dominant head found three lands all game, and one of those was on his last turn.
One player, the one with mana, played green and red with some white; the other played an Island, a Swamp, and a Terramorphic Expanse.
So, it was a drubbing. I got my aggro on with two Calciderms and an Amrou Seekers that they couldn’t block. My Brain Gorgers got used as a removal spell, and Justin found all three of his Dead & Gone. To finish things off, Justin played Bogardan Hellkite for the fourth time that day.
Bogardan HellkiteNo contest.
6RR
Creature - Dragon
Flash
Flying
When Bogardan Hellkite comes into play, it deals 5 damage divided as you choose among any number of target creatures and/or players.
5/5
As I mentioned, one guy found three lands all game. He told us he was playing 13, saying "The percentage is there!" No. This is too few. Most recommendations for manabases in limited are that you start at 17 land and go up or down depending on your needs and your available mana-fixers. In 2HG, you can get away with running fewer lands than you can in regular limited because, like in euchre, you can count on your partner to pick your up when you’re down (rather, keep you alive when you’re dying), and next game you’ll get him back. But that doesn’t mean you can get ridiculous about it. In a 40 card deck, 13 is slightly less than a third, and I would definitely want to be on the positive end of that fraction.
Justin and I played 15 and 16 lands respectively, and that was probably correct for us, but we’ll have more on that later.
Anyway…
Match Record – 1-2
Round 4 – Team Gamescape
This was another blowout that ended with us at 30 life. My notes indicate that we finished them off from 10 life with Dust Elemental and the Hellkite, which showed up for the fifth time in four games. Hallelujah!
I really like this Dust Elemental thing, though. It’s a 6/6 for four mana! Oh, I have to return three creatures to my hand. Well, hmm. Oh, it has Flash. Okay! I really kind of want to try this in Standard since I think it’s so good. At worst, it prevents a three-for-one trade in the face of Wrath of God or Damnation. I’ll admit it was awkward, though.
Dust ElementalOther than that, I don’t have any notes on this game, and I don’t really remember anything, including who our opponents were or what they were playing. Sorry.
2WW
Creature - Elemental
Flash
Flying, fear
When Dust Elemental comes into play, return three creatures you control to their owner's hand.
Match Record – 2-2
Round 5 – Double Entendre
These two guys were a lot of fun and made for easily the most entertaining match of the day. One was playing white and green and had seemingly hundreds of lands on the table by the end of the game. The other was playing blue and red with a bunch of tricky spells.
It was a great back and forth game until both teams reached a critical mass of creatures. I had out three weenies (including an Amrou Seekers that was getting in for damage every turn) and was making more with a suspended Benalish Commander. When the Commander came in as a 4/4, we sent in the team, stacked damage, and I flashed in Dust Elemental. Benalish Commander and Dust Elemental? Combo! Unfortunately, they killed it and I had to rebuild. Luckily, I found Calciderms around then.
Benalish CommanderMeanwhile, Justin was dealing damage every turn with a steadily growing army of evasion creatures backed up by Prodigal Pyromancer backed up by Scryb Ranger. He also had the Sulfurous Blast answer to this our opponents' Emptying the Warrens.
3W
Creature - Human Soldier Lord
Benalish Commander's power and toughness are each equal to the number of Soldiers you control.
Suspend X - XWW. X can't be 0.
Whenever a time counter is removed from Benalish Commander while it's removed from the game, put a 1/1 white Soldier creature token into play.
*/*
Our opponents were saving their plays and hoarding mana, though. Something was brewing on the other side of the table, and it wasn’t a tasty Railbender Ale. When they’d decided enough was enough, they dropped an army of huge slivers: Might Sliver (+2/+2), Synchronous Sliver (vigilance), and two Battering Slivers (trample). That’s a quick clock and, thanks to trample, it’s not very blockable. Luckily, we thought to shoot down Pulmonic Sliver (flying) or things would have been really hairy.
They couldn’t swing with the team because I would have killed their Might Sliver with a handy Gorgon Recluse, but they were bringing the lone Battering Beats every turn, as their other one had been neutralized by Vampiric Link. This eventually led to an all-in play, a desperation move since Justin’s evasive flyers had gotten them down to three.
We had this coming at us: Synchronous Sliver, both Battering Slivers, Might Sliver, and a Morphed Creature. It seems like there’s some other stuff as well, but we weren’t as worried about it, despite being at 18 life. I threw the Recluse in front of the Might sliver and a Revered Dead (Drudge Skeletons) in front of the morph because there was no reason not to and it was more likely to block multiple damage from that than from a trampling sliver. Justin blocked to kill some stuff, and we’d still have some game winning creatures left for next turn, if there was a next turn.
Damage was tallied and effects were applied. The morph, for example, turned out to be a Shaper Parasite, which shrunk my Gorgon Recluse and forced through two more damage.
Shaper ParasiteWe took 17 damage, going to one before heading back up to seven from the Vampiric Link.
1UU
Creature - Illusion
Morph 2U
When Shaper Parasite gets turned face up, target creature gets +2/-2 or -2/+2 until end of turn.
2/3
Next turn we swung fliers in for the win.
It was close, quite a nailbiter. The green-white player had infinite mana untapped and could have played any number of combat tricks to completely ruin us.
It was exciting, though. We’re glad we survived, we fried our brains, but we have a winning record. The win put us into 12th place, another could (with lucky breaks) put us in contention for prizes.
Match Record – 3-2
Round 6 – No Deal
We should have known from their name. It was done. They were cool guys and they outplayed us. I mulled, Justin did not; that’s all you need to know. He kept a hand with one Forest, a Search for Tomorrow, and an Evolution Charm, hoping to pull out of mana screwage.
It was ugly.
I think my best play of the game was convincing them to Mindstab me instead of Justin when I had a fistful of madness cards and no tapped mana. I got a Gorgon Recluse for less than half price on that one. My Jedi mind trick: “I’m just waiting for mana.”
Gorgon RecluseJustin actually hit three lands on turn three, but neither of us had any serious action anyway. We held off some creatures with Dead & Gone and some black removal, but our creatures weren’t sticking, and for the most part, theirs were.
3BB
Creature - Gorgon
Whenever Gorgon Recluse blocks or becomes blocked by a nonblack creature, destroy that creature at end of combat.
Madness BB
2/4
Eventually they found Jedit Ojanen of Efrava, and it was all over but the cryin’. We held them off for a little bit with a little help from Sulfurous Blast, but without killing Jedit himself, it didn’t matter since 2/2 unblockable cat tokens for free every turn is pretty good.
Needless to say, we died.
Jedit Ojanen of EfravaWe shouldn’t have let Justin keep a one-land hand, with or without mana fixing. It was weak, very weak. Our decks were strong and resilient, we just needed to rely on them being good rather than doing something amazing and tricky on so little mana.
3GGG
Legendary Creature - Cat Warrior Lord
Forestwalk
Whenever Jedit Ojanen of Efrava attacks or blocks, put a 2/2 Cat Warrior creature token with forestwalk into play.
5/5
Match Record – 3-3
And that was the end of the day. We went back to my apartment to eat pizza and watch the Colts’ comeback. Three of my roommates were actually dry-humping each other at the prospect of a Peyton Manning Super Bowl. I was just happy to have beer and food.
All in all and not speaking for Justin, I think it was pretty successful tournament. We fought back from a horrible opening to almost make it into prize contention and ended with, at least, a non-losing record.
Planar Chaos has some fun cards, but I’ll get more into that at another time since I’m fairly certain this tournament report has gone on long enough.
Tune in later.
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