Contract Killing

You’ll have to excuse me, I was up really late last night so if my writing goesapgj bapand andI can’ta dangerouslydangit anyyhaongawgggghh

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(It’s funny because Word tried to capitalize that first group of zzz’s.)

Anyway, I was up really late last night wandering the forgotten realm of Shandalar in the Microprose Magic: the Gathering game that I downloaded here. I’m not sure what happened, but apparently The Underdogs made some changes to port the program to Windows XP.

It’s awesome!

I designed my little guy (I created the fat guy with a giant club in an elven-looking doublet) and chose black as the color for my deck. Black is maybe the best color in the game because you get to run Contract from Below. Drawing into Contract from Below is like being handed a gold brick with a rope on it that you can throw at your opponent’s face. Even if you miss, you still get to pull the rope back and keep the gold.

Anyway, so I’m wandering around Shandalar, beating up on random Clerics and Merfolk and taking their cards when I stumble into a graveyard and, oops, find a Black Lotus. Uhh…okay, I guess I’ll take it. Then a little later on I was allowed to trade “amulets,” which are like little things that look like Moxes that you can trade for stuff, and get two Dark Rituals and a Contract from Below.

My deck went from decent to broken in no time. I have not yet lost in any game where I’ve resolved Contract from Below. It’s like meeting a hot actress and having her tell you that she’ll buy you dinner tonight if only you teach her to play Magic. You might have to waste an evening with a hot actress playing Magic, but it’s still a free meal and a hot actress.

I believe the best creature in my deck so far has been, guess… Frozen Shade. The only thing it hasn’t done for me is fly, which it really should. I did win a Will o’ the Wisps from a Witch that does and I’ve definitely gone first turn Dark Ritual, Will o’ the Wisps, Unholy Strength, Unholy Strength for the second turn win.

(Apparently in Shandalar most opponents start with only four life, which is awesome when a Merfolk guy finds you a worthy opponent and gives you Merfolk of the Pearl Trident in play at the start of your next game.)

In some of the last few games I played, around 2am or so, I won three dual lands as ante: a Bayou, a Badlands, and a Taiga. As such, I’ve added some red burn to my deck, mostly because my best removal right now is Spirit Shackles, which I have three of. The Shackles are good, but they really don’t help when your opponent goes first turn Merfolk, second turn Unstable Mutation, Unstable Mutation. That’s a heinous second turn in any game, but it’s especially bad when you only start off with 10 life.

Right now, my biggest beef with the game is that I can’t seem to buy cards. The little towns on the map show me cards for sale, and because I keep winning I have lots of money, but there’s no button or icon for me to click on that says, “Please, give me this Pestilence and another Frozen Shade so I can win more.”

Thinking about it, I wonder if I can make my deck an instant winner against anything that can’t put out a creature first turn. Basically, how few cards am I allowed to run? I started out with fewer than 40, so do I have to run 30? 20?

If I can run 20 cards, I bet I can do it:

1x Black Lotus
3x Dark Ritual
3x Unholy Strength
1x Will o’ the Wisp
1x Contract from Below
1x Juggernaut
1x Bog Imp
1x Lightning Bolt
1x Badlands
1x Taiga
6x Swamp

That should kill pretty well, especially against opponents starting with less than six life. Basically, it’s play your hand, refill it with Contract from Below and win next turn with an attack. I might have to run 21 or 22 cards, just so I don’t deck myself, but seriously, using Contract from Below is like being able to shoot fire from your eyes and lightning from your butt. You might get scorched, but it’s definite immolation for the other guy. Plus, you look totally cool doing it.

You could probably do something similar in green and red too, though with red I think I’d rather run 10 cards or so:

6x Lightning Bolt
4x Mountain

I don’t think there are any deck restrictions, but I’ll have to check. If there are, run 4x Lightning Bolt and only 8 cards.

Even better would be this:

1x Black Lotus
1x Mountain
4x Lightning Bolt
2x Mountain

That’s a definite first turn kill on the draw against anything with less than 12 life.

Green would be like this:

5x Forest
3x Llanowar Elf
4x Giant Growth
1x Black Lotus

In this case you want first turn Llanowar Elf; second turn Giant Growths mean gg means good game against creatures with less than eight life.

I guess you’ve realized that this is why Magic has a minimum deck size, and why there’s an upper limit on cards that win games, which handily excludes Relentless Rats.

Anyway, I’ll probably be up late tonight getting my game on for tomorrow’s tournament. I’ve already figured out what I want in my maindeck, and I’m surprisingly going to forgo the Rootwater Thieves. I think they’ll be good as a sideboard against combo, but I think since most maindeck combo is Darksteel Colossus, Dragon, or Oath, an extra Waterfront Bouncer will be just as good. Also, I am getting the extra Mox in and both Darkblast and Echoing Decay, so hopefully that works out for me.

I think I might also side in Contract from Below. That card’s so good. It’s like being offered $10,000,000 in a high-yield mutual fund that automatically gives you a $30,000 annual stipend for the rest of your life, and then, just before you’re going to die, you can take all the money out of the fund and give it to charities like Amnesty International and the Humane Society so the government can’t get their filthy hands on it. Plus, you still get to keep the gold brick (and the rope), hang out with the hot gamer actress who buys you dinner, and shoot fire from your eyes and lightning from your butt.

Wish me luck! And take it easy.