The Catawampus Report

Just to switch things up, I’ve decided I’m going to write this tournament report in reverse chronological order. Usually, I get lazy, loopy, and sloppy in the later rounds and don’t take notes or remember very well what happens, so I figure this time we’ll end on the good coverage.

All in all it was a fun day. I got a top 4 finish, my highest ever, and I managed to put two decks in the top 8. Plus, two Moeses got top 4, which I think is quite a credit to our gene pool (ladies take note). I kept the $13 store credit for use at a later date. I’ve got to figure out something awesome to get, and that takes time.

After the tournament, we all went to Diana’s on Rte. 250 where we experimented with feastiality and were regaled once again by Justin’s infamous “poop story.” My meal started with some excellent coconut cream pie and went through salad, soup, roll, meatloaf and mashed potatoes. It was awesome. And it’s true, life is far too short to not eat dessert first. (I realize now that this is somewhat confusing in light of me writing the report backwards, but I really did order pie before dinner, and it really was delicious).

We had 12 people at the restaurant, which always makes me feel bad for taxing the waitress, but I’m sure she gets pretty good tips from a group like that. At least, I hope she does.

So the top 8 went like this:

Justin Droba (JD, JDizzle on TMD) and Angel Rivera split the prize.

I lost to Angel.
Jeff Moes lost to JD.

Eric Butler lost to Jeff Moes.
Paul Nicolo lost to JD.
Ray Kehr lost to Angel.
Nam Tran lost to, uh, me.

So in the finals, JD and Angel Rivera Split. Droba negotiated on the really nice Bazaar of Baghdad the Gamer’s Lounge had in the case (eventually getting it for his $220 prize split, plus some cash), and Angel took the $110 offered as the cash.

Top 4 – Angel Rivera playing Bomberman

Angel plays out at the War Zone. Rumor has it that on the way back from the last Columbus tournament and the subsequent journey to Thurman’s, he had to have the car stopped so he could “cast Armageddon” twice on the way home, if you know what I mean. Anyway, he’s a nice guy, but when he started our match with “and you'ra need a docta, and I'ma need a lawya,” I knew I was done for.

I’d never played against Bomberman before and didn’t really comprehend the deck’s full potential until these games. It seemed pretty good—made me want to do something with those Trinket Mages and Auriok Salvagers I picked up. Anyway, as I said earlier, I didn’t really take good notes on the games, so pardon me if events in the games get jumbled.

My game one hand had no mana acceleration but two Welders, a Monkey, and a Barbarian Ring. All of them hit play, but I drew very little of anything else, or at least, nothing else that would do any lasting damage to him. By the end of the game, he had lots of mana and manages to “combo out” and wreck my board, even though I Capped him earlier for three Aether Spellbombs and shut off his “combo.” That’s resilience, baby. My most notable play of the game came when I, with a lone Duplicant in my hand, and my three stalwart red one-drops on the board against two Salvagers, Bazaared into a second Duplicant, used the Monkey to eat his Pithing Needle, and Welded both Duplicants into play to kill both his Salvagers. Had I been able to go much longer with that setup, I would have won. Unfortunately, the game ended 0-4 when he made infinite mana with Lotus and Salvagers and ate my board with Engineered Explosives.

I sideboarded in Spheres of Resistance for game two when I should have brought in Ensnaring Bridges. Ah well. The numbers on this one indicate that I did absolutely nothing while he beat me down over the course of 20 total turns. Also he owned my graveyard repeatedly with Tormod's Crypt.

Matches – 3-2-1
Games – 8-6-1

Top 8 – Workshops expert Nam Q. Tran not playing Workshops

This match was all about revenge for me, as Nam pointed out (and I remembered all too well) that at the last Sandusky tournament, he owned me playing Stax. “Have you gotten better at the Stax mirror since then?” he asked.

“I know it better in theory,” I replied, “But you’re not playing Stax.”

“Shhh…” he said.

Anyway in game one, I had a pretty good start against what I thought was Gifts. It turns out Nam was playing Slaver; it’s hard to tell when all you see from previous games is blue control cards and Islands of various colors. He Drained my early Jester’s Cap, but didn’t get my Welder. I get Ubazaar set up and Cap away his win conditions after two activations.

In game two I got a fairly slow start and Nam showed his true colors by getting the classic Stax combo of Welder and Gorilla Shaman going on my board. I dealt him zero damage and ended the game with so very few permanents in play.

When I finished shuffling between games two and three, I excused myself to use the restroom. Water is great for rehydrating your body and your mind, but it doesn’t help your stamina at all. I got back to find Anthony in my seat, confused and shocked to find he’s sat down in the middle of a match. He stood up quickly and assured me he hadn’t stacked my deck in any way.

Whether he stacked it or not, my opening hand was absolutely disgusting. It was so hot, my plasties had melted together. I’m pretty sure all my fingerprints have been scarred off. It was something like Workshop, Trinisphere, Strip Mine, Chalice, Chalice, Crucible, then an Uba Mask or something else awesome. Anyway, my Trinisphere got Forced, but Chalice for 0 went through and CruciStrips started on the second turn. He never recovered. Welder and Shaman hit play, Duplicant showed up to the party, and I killed him with a Barbarian Ring.

Matches – 3-1-1
Games – 8-4-1

Round 5 – Matt playing Dimir Control

I’ve seen Matt at other tournaments before, but I’ve never really talked to the guy. He was cool to play against, and thanked the store before he left. Next time I shall make an effort to get to know him.

Anyway, in our first game he got me down to three life. He Forced my second turn Crucible and my third turn Welder (pitching Tinker). Then I got the Uba Mask lockdown at that point and have as much time as I need to finish him off. Karn and his artifact minions finished him off with style. It was great being able to cap him during that game to see what he played. I don’t remember what I took, I think just Cutpurses because Ancestral Attackers is a pretty broken concept. Plus, I didn't figure I had to worry about Darksteel once Tinker was gone.

I brought in Ensnaring Bridges and Red Elemental Blasts since I didn’t particularly want to deal with Dimir Cutpurses. In game two I had a pretty nice looking opening hand, but he Mana Leaked my Mana Vault to slow me down, as I seem to remember having an early Uba Mask to fool around with. Regardless, he Tinkered up Darksteel pretty early.

So of course I lost.

Then I topdecked Ensnaring Bridge like a champion!

I don’t usually think to myself, “Okay, what do you need to get out of this?” because I don’t honestly believe that knowing what you need will magically make it migrate to the top of your deck. This, though, was godlike.

“Topdeck?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t hide my excitement as well as I'd like to think.

Then I kept myself on one card and kept his creatures at bay until I found Duplicant and turned the Darksteel tables on him. All in all, this game was fairly gross.

Techy looking singles are hot, but consistency and inevitability is hotter.

Matches 2-1-1
Games 6-3-1

Round 4 – Adam Budweg playing UW Fish

At this point, I really had to win out because nothing less would get me into the top 8. At the beginning of the match, I was pretty dejected, telling Adam what a terrible player I am and how bad my deck is and how soon I'm quitting Magic. Looking back, that seems unduly cruel, but I really expected to lose this game to a superior player with better knowledge of his deck. Regardless, it sucks knocking friends out of contention.

In game one, he led with two Aether Vials and got them both to two counters—a powerful opening gambit. I had two Uba Masks in hand, though, which could completely negate them. He countered the first, but the second one hit and he scooped to Ubazaar with CruciStrip.

Game two saw him start beating down with an Azorius Guildmage and a Mishra’s Factory. He didn’t have much mana to work with, though, as I played Wasteland and Strip Mine around a Tormod’s Crypt to take three lands. When he found Jotun Grunt, I got to Duplicate it and gained four life when he sent it back to the farms. He plays a Meddling Mage on Uba Mask, which I had conveniently sided out. I got him to counter one of my spells so I could have active Barbarian Rings, and I finished him off with Duplicant, two Gorillas, and my lands.

That was the beginning of me being absolutely dominant for the next three matches.

Matches – 1-1-1
Games – 4-3-1

Round 3 – Matt playing Meandeck Gifts

Matt decided to drop out of the tournament, without telling anyone.

That’s cool—I got a free 2-0 victory to help my comeback from an inauspicious 1-0-1 start. Plus, it gives me a chance to get on my soapbox about Gifts.

Gifts is a powerful deck, no doubt. Fans of it will tell you that it’s easily the most powerful deck in the format. However, no one should expect to proxy Meandeck Gifts down to the Islands and expect to do well with it at all untested and inexperienced. Yawgmoth’s Will, Recoup, Tinker, Time Walk is not always the best pile to get, not to mention the fact that you have to build to even being able to consider casting Gifts for a pile like that.

The two Meandeck Gifts players placed dead last.

Anyway, while I was watching the matches this round and doing a bit of scouting, Justin shouted to me, “Hey Nat, I just got Trickbinded!”

I said, “Shouldn’t that be Trickbound?” and walked over to find him having gone all-in against Fish and indeed gotten kicked in the nuts by Trickbind. I’m pretty sure that’s game over.

Round 2 – Marcus playing infinite mana combo

Sigh.

In game one I couldn’t get a lock established fast enough because my original, really good looking hand got taken away from me by his first turn Time Twister. The complete garbage that I started out with on my first turn included one, non-Workshop land and Chalice. He forced my Chalice for zero and built up such a permanent, mana, and card advantage that I knew I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it aside from finding an Uba Mask that would stick. No such luck. I wanted him to play it out so I could see what his kill was. I died to a Braingeyser for 62.

Game two saw me get a first turn Cap activation for Tolarian Academy, Stroke of Genius and Power Artifact. I figured that was multiple infinite mana combos and one win condition gone.

“You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?”

“Ha ha. No.”

I still had no real control on his permanents and I knew he plays Force of Will, so the Red Elemental Blast I was holding might have done me no good whatsoever, but I was holding onto it for dear life.

He tutored up Yawgmoth’s Bargain, drew and played Candelabra of Tawnos and Fastbond, and slowly killed himself between drawing cards and playing lands. He passed the turn. I passed back, doing something largely irrelevant, but I made sure to stop him from drawing his card. Thank you, Bargain. He was down to two cards in hand and two life. He drew one more card, then tapped out to play Braingeyser on himself for 11. I REB it. He drew another card with Bargain in concession.

Unfortunately, those first two games took too long and we started our third game after the five-minute warning. The third game ended at 17 to 18 in his favor, but it didn’t matter.

Matches – 0-1-1
Games – 2-3-1

Round 1 – Bob playing “Transformers”

Now that I have the decklist in front of me, it makes some sense. It was Masknaught with a transformational sideboard to Oath. At first I was really confused by the presence of Tropical Islands and the four Phyrexian Dreadnaughts that ended up in his graveyard.

Before we started the match, Mark Trogdon leaned over to me and said, “He’s a newbie—go easy on him.” Easier said than done. I’m not even sure why I had to.

I had first turn Crucible in game one, which he Force of Willed. I Stripped his land next turn, but he Tinkered for Colossus nonetheless. I ripped Welder off the top of my library and almost dropped it because it was still smoking hot, but he cooled my fire with the bounce spell for it and I lost in good time. The only thing that would have saved me would have been Duplicant.

In the next game, I got an early Welder and some artifacts, including two Duplicants. When I started serving five damage a turn with creatures that cancel out his, he conceded. This time, I Strip Mined his Underground Sea on my second turn, but he had the Vampiric Tutor to use it wisely.

Game three, I stripped out his Academy pretty early, but his drawing was amazing with Thirst for Knowledge and Ancestral Recall all hitting early. He forced my Mox Monkey too, since, that little guy eats Phyrexian Dreadnaughts. Unfortunately for me, he managed to Tinker for Colossus again and the subsequent win.

The notable thing about this match was that I had early Strip Mine in all three games, and in two of the games I had CruciStrip or possible CruciStrip.

Matches – 0-1-0
Games – 1-2-0

Before the tournament started, Eric, who would be playing my baby, UB Fish, in the tournament—to a top 8 finish, I might add—anyway, Eric and I did some testing and I showed off my awesome drawing skills with Oath. People there were stunned at the number of times I had a first turn Oath on the board with one or more of Akroma, Razia, or Gaea’s Blessing in my hand. Usually Razia. I hate her.

I like playing other decks before tournaments. It feels techy.

This was what I actually registered and played:

4x Chalice of the Void
4x Uba Mask
4x Jester's Cap
4x Crucible of Worlds
4x Tangle Wire
4x Goblin Welder
2x Gorilla Shaman
2x Duplicant
1x Karn, Silver Golem
1x Trinisphere
5x Moxes
1x Mana Crypt
1x Black Lotus
1x Sol Ring
1x Mana Vault
4x Mishra's Workshop
4x Bazaar of Baghdad
4x Barbarian Ring
4x Mountain
3x Wasteland
1x Strip Mine
1x Tolarian Academy

Sideboard
4x Sphere of Resistance
1x Duplicant
3x Ensnaring Bridge
4x Red Elemental Blast
3x Viashino Heretic

We also developed Eric's UB Fish sideboard in expectation of a Goblin and aggro filled metagame and put three Engineered Plagues in place of the Jittes and Sword of Fire and Ice. This never panned out and Engineered Plague did relatively nothing against the aggro that did appear. Oh well, live and learn. It was a nice idea, but I’m not sure I’ll try it again without proof of Goblins appearance in numbers.

I also lent some of my cards, including sweet, sweet proxies like Imperial Seal (a harbor seal holding a baseball bat) to Justin and two Trickbinds to Adam.

The best and worst parts of my day, though, happened before I even left home.

The worst part of my day was getting ready in the morning, when I was going to make myself a sandwich and found my parents’ pantry void of both peanut butter and bread. I had to pour myself a bag of Frosted Mini Wheats instead. They were no where near as satisfying.

The best part of my day was being able to take a long hot shower. My parents house has a functioning water heater with large capacity; my apartment in Columbus does not. Showering in steamy comfort should not be a luxury, I say.

Shower to the people!

At 9:30 a.m. Nat Moes, Magical card playing powerhouse, woke up.